Stop That Stinkin' - A Song

[Based on "Hot Rod Lincoln" by Commander Cody and His Lost Planet Airmen]

My biped told me "Beau you're gonna drive me straight to drinkin'
If you don't get bathed and stop that stinkin'!"

Let me tell ya my story, I'm a beagle named Beau,
A goofy hound dog upsetting status quo.
A funky ol' smell makes me happy as sin,
When I find something rank that's what I'll roll in.

Got a strange fur funk and smelly exhaust
You'll wave at your nose and say "Get lost!"
Any foul smell's gonna make me jump
I dream of living in a New Jersey dump.

I got a beagle nose, it can find anything smelly.
Especially if it can fill my belly.
We got a new home surrounded by woods.
When it comes to smells it delivers the goods.

There was a racoon that lived in the shed.
It used a shelf as a personal bed.
The back right corner it used as a loo.
Just the right place to roll a time or two.

All of a sudden in the wink of an eye,
I smelled a big skunk a-passin' by.
Chased him down and shook his hand.
Said "Gimme a shot of that ol' scent gland."

Now in our woods is an intermittent creek
It holds it's mud for about a week.
It smells of rotten wood and strange mold.
The crayfish give a scent so bold.

Slopped in the mud for a minute or two,
Then a new funk came a-wafting through.
An old sweatsock was on the ground,
The perfect cologne for a goofy hound.

Ran around front and I saw an old possum
Smelling more strong than an old fart blossom.
I barked so loud that she peed real hard
Rolled in the stench as she fled from the yard.

I saw two deer walking on the drive.
Catching them quick is for what I strive.
I sprinted and barked and they left some sign.
As they ran away, it tasted just fine.

Found a wren's egg that fell from the nest.
One whiff told me it passed the test.
It had spent three days in the damp and the heat.
The odor it gave me just couldn't be beat.

Wandered on over to an old fire pit,
A place that the chippies use to take a spit.
Spit had combined with fungus and mold
To make a dank pong so fruity and bold.

Back in the corner is a gingko tree
With its awful seed stench a-wafting free.
The ground was covered with all those seeds;
Rolling on them's the best of my deeds.

I took a big whiff, I smelled so fair!
But my biped walked up right then and there.
He said, "Beau you're gonna drive me straight to drinkin'
If you don't get bathed and Stop! That! Stinkin'!"