Well, I felt a song coming on, and it's a subject near and dear to my heart---FOOD! I can hardly believe that skinny Carrie Underwood would have written/sung this version...

Before He Eats

Right now he's probably out prancing
With a mongrel tramp
And she probably hasn't been spayed
Right now he's probably bringing her
Some scooby little snack
Cause she can't do a sit stay
Right now he's probably up behind her
With a chew stick
Showing her how to eat a Combo
And he don't know

That I dug my teeth into the side
Of that yummy turkey leg he tried to hide
Carved my name into his leather leash
I took a generous slug of some diet Sprite
Stashed his bone behind the dryer
Maybe next time he'll think
Before he eats

Right now she's probably up sniffing someone's trash
Looking for some chicken teriyaki
Right now she's probably chasing chipmunks
And he's a thinking that he's gonna get lucky
Right now he's probably rolling in 3 dead squirrels worth of that backyard mojo
And he don't know

That I dug my teeth into the side
Of that yummy turkey leg he tried to hide
Carved my name into his leather leash
I took a generous slug of some diet Sprite
Stashed his bone behind the dryer
Maybe next time he'll think
Before he eats

I might have saved a little kibble
For the next girl
Cause the next time that he eats
Oh, you know it won't be on me
No, not on me

Cause I dug my teeth into the side
Of that yummy turkey leg he tried to hide
Carved my name into his leather leash
I took a generous slug of some diet Sprite
Stashed his bone behind the dryer
Maybe next time he'll think
Before he eats
Oh maybe next time he'll think
Before he eats (arf arf arf arf arf arf arf arf arf arf arf arf)
Oh Before he eats (arf arf arf arf arf arf arf arf arf arf arf arf)
GROWL